I know i was telling y'all about Austin and SXSW. But i had to step back for a moment because i remembered a funny happening from our tour to Ontario the week before SXSW. The festival was called Canadian Music Week, or something like that. i think they changed it's name, but who cares really.
A couple years ago i blogged about a douche bag who came into the store asking for an expensive bottle of wine cuz he wanted to get laid. If this award would have been around then i would have awarded it to him, but i figure let's kick it off now. Being a musician and playing in a lot of bars as well as a wine store clerk, i run into a lot of silly idiotic people. It's here on the sidewalk that i like to make fun of them in print.
So the night after our tres poorly attended CMW showcase we had a show in Sarnia. Oft referenced as Canada's biggest dump. I severely disagree. All my experiences there have been fun. And if I had to name a dump it would have to be thunder bay, not sarnia.
The show was tonnes of fun. Because it was our last show we could all kick back and relax a bit, have a drink or ten and just party our buts off. The sarnia staff is always very giving and not only do they give us loads of free drinks, they also pay us well.
The douche bag in question was discovered after the show. He'd been sitting in the front, listening, which isn't douchey at all, but i find you have to converse with the meat head to figure out how ridiculous they actually are.
After the bar had closed down, Miles and I were chatting outside of our hotel across the way from Paddy Flaherty's. Miles is the drummer of the electro diva Christer who we were playing shows with in Ontario. He's also drummed for other great vancouver bands like the late Lotus Child and the currently amazing Hey Ocean.
As we were chatting over a smoke, some dude emerged from the bar and asked us for a light. We kindly obliged as Miles had one in his pocket. The dude proceeded to tell us how he was only in Sarnia because he had a court hearing the next day. Apparently some dude had punched his girlfriend in a bar the last time he was here, and of course "doing what a guy's got to do" he punched the guy out.
"What nobody saw was him hitting her, they just saw me kicking the crap out of him".
This made me apprehensive. I could feel nervousness between miles and i, i wouldn't call his chivalry douchery but i certainly wasn't stoked with him hanging around us at this point.
The dude starts mentioning that he needed a place to stay, perhaps implying, as we feared that he wanted to crash at our place. We wouldn't even go there, that's how people get murdered in hotels isn't it? He tells us that he was actually hoping to crash at the bar tenders house. Dude actually used to get down with her back in the day (miles and i cringe for the first time).
All the signs were there already but what really took our contestant to the new level was his explanation for why he always hit on girls who had their boyfriends right there with him.
"I'd say 3 to 4 times out of 5 she'll leave with me, eh. Also i practice MMA, you know mixed martial arts... like Ultimate Fighting. Yeah i'm gonna be in the UFC someday so i figure it's worth the practice" (Super cringe from miles and i).
This actually happened. I would fear for my life after writing this blog but i figure the winner this year doesn't really seek out the written word very often.
Stay in school kids, and stay out of jail. And stop watching ultimate fighting.
d
www.thepaintedbirds.blogspot.com
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